People always make “best of” lists. Well, that’s boring. What better way to enter adulthood than to complain about the terrible music kids these days are listening to?
I present to you a list of the songs I found most annoying this year in no particular order (except number 1. It is the worst). Feel free to disagree… and then get off my lawn.
1. “BREAK FREE” by ARIANA GRANDE. I’m fairly certain that I’ve never heard this song all the way through. Why? Because I immediately turn off the radio, turn off the TV, leave the store, stick my fingers in my ears, or do anything else to get away from this wretched excuse for a song. Ariana’s screaming (lets be real, it’s not singing) plus the stupid lyrics make this song too much for me to handle. If I never heard an Ariana Grande song ever again, it would still be too soon.
2. “RATHER BE” by CLEAN BANDIT. If you gave me a chance, I would not take it, Clean Bandit. There are literally 100 places I’d rather be than listening to your song.
3. “SUMMER” by CALVIN HARRIS. Ugh. His voice. I can’t even handle it. Calvin manages to make his nasal-y voice exude smugness in this song. Something about it creeps me out.
4. “BANG BANG” by JESSIE J, NICKI MINAJ, & THE PONYTAIL GIRL. Too much scream-singing. Shut up, Jessie. No one likes a show off.
5. “RUDE” by MAGIC! Why you gotta be so annoying? Also, why you gotta add unnecessary punctuation marks to your band name? Who do you think you are? Panic! At the Disco?
6. “DARK HORSE” by KATY PERRY. Why was this song even popular? It was so anti-climatic. Plus, the music was weirdly out of this world. It gives the illusion that it’s leading to some great big chorus. That amazing chorus never comes, and instead, we get stuck with creepster Juicy J. * shudders *
7. “BURNING IT DOWN” by JASON ALDEAN. This is some sort of weird slow jam with references to Jack Daniels. I think this song is supposed to be seductive and sad at the same time, but instead it just creeps me out.
8. “LET IT GO” by IDINA MENZEL/DISNEY. This song is annoying because it is overplayed. Also, we will be hearing this song every winter for the rest of our lives.
9. Any song by ADAM LEVINE & THOSE OTHER GUYS who are in his band. How many are there, anyway? Also, why does EVERY one of their songs sound the same?
10. Any song by JASON DERULO. Jason, what happened to you? I loved your singles from your first album. Now you’ve got crazy trumpets, disturbing lyrics, and a whispering Snoop Dogg. I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
11. “SAFE & SOUND” by CAPITAL CITIES. OMG, just thinking about this song makes me squirm. I think it’s the weird trumpets (or are those saxophones again?). Too much repetitiveness and too many horns making a racket. WHAT IS THIS MUSIC?
13. “LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN” by BRUNO MARS. I like Bruno Mars, I really do. He is amazingly talented, and his ability to produce music and capture the essence of other artists is truly one of a kind. I love it when other people cover his songs, and I love it when he covers other people’s songs. That being said, I can’t stand him singing his own songs. I can’t explain it. What I can explain is that this particular song was on the radio far too much this year.
14. “BURN” by ELLIE GOULDING. Just blah. Nasal voice. Overproduced electronic mess. No melody. On the radio too much.
*Disclaimer: I reserve the right to make a cliche list of the Least Annoying Songs of 2014.