A list of epiphanies, fears, and problems that arise when you find yourself living alone after years of living with another human.
1) You finally have to get your own Netflix account. But when you log in, you realize you have no idea what episode of “Mad Men” you are actually on, and that this account has no clue that you love “House of Cards” and “Scandal.” It’s like Netflix has forgotten who you are. WE WATCHED “MITT” TOGETHER, NETFLIX! How could you forget?! #insulted
2) When you hear a suspicious noise in the middle of the night, you can no longer comfort yourself with the thought of “Oh, that was probably just Roommate getting a glass of water,” or “Oh, that was just Roommate’s cat kicking a candle across the living room.” #WishfulThinking
3) Speaking of scary things, you can no longer watch “Law & Order: SVU,” “Criminal Minds,” “Sherlock,” or any other mystery/detective/crime show without having to sleep with the light on for the next three days.
4) When you’re watching your favorite TV show and something dumb, insane, or confusing happens, you have no one to instantly discuss your qualms or surprise with. #CanYouBelieveThatJustHappened?!
5) There’s no one to share your dinner or baked goods with anymore.
6) You are more inclined to leave random things lying about. Curling iron on the bathroom floor? NBD. Sugar and coffee grinds left on the counter? Clean it up later. Mail stacking up on the end table in the living room? Indifference.
7) But yet, you feel more responsibility because suddenly you’re the one paying all the bills. You know, instead of just paying half or just handing your roommate a check every month.
8) There’s nobody to talk to face-to-face when you come home every day. #ForeverAlone
9) You use up your dishes fairly quickly, but there aren’t enough dishes in the dishwasher to actually justify running it, so you often find yourself debating what to do.
10) You basically live in your bedroom, and you only emerge to grab food in the kitchen (to take back to your room) or use the bathroom.#hermit
11) There is no one to say “good night” or “good morning” to anymore.
12) If you suddenly realize that you’ve run out of something (soap, band-aids, bread, etc.) just when you really need it, you can’t just walk ten steps into their room and ask for it. You actually have to go to the grocery store yourself.
13) If you lock yourself out of your apartment or house, you’re gonna have to break a window or call a locksmith, because nobody’s gonna come let you in.
14) You can literally spend an entire weekend without seeing another human being – i.e., never leaving your house or bedroom. This may result in stir-craziness, an exorbitant amount of television consumption, and a severe lack of vitamin D. #NoSunlight
15) You realize just how inferior Apple’s version of FaceTime is to real-life face time.
Is there anything else you would add to the list?