Confessions of a Tall Girl

Jennifer Lawrence is basically me in every photo I've ever taken: the awkward tall person.

Jennifer Lawrence is basically me in every photo I’ve ever taken: the awkward tall person.

I am tall. Not tall as in I’m-taller-than-most-guys kind of tall, but tall-enough-to-be-a-model kind of tall.

People assume there are benefits to being tall, and of course, there are: I can reach things on high shelves! No one is going to card me at the movie theater! I can easily find people in a crowd just by peering over everyones’ heads! HOORAY!

But for all you average-height or less-than-average height folks out there, please don’t fret. There is a cornucopia of problems that come with being a tall lady.

You know what I can’t do? Grow extra fabric for my shirts and pants so that they are long enough to cover my appendages. Half the time I run the risk of looking like I’m wearing clothes that shrank in the wash. #laundryfail? #ithinknot

While all you petites can hem your clothes, I am stuck with either a sporting a scandalous hemline or turning a dress into a shirt. sigh

Know what else I can’t do? Wear heels without getting stares, looking like a gazelle, or listening to people’s snarkastic comments.

Speaking of which, another thing I can’t do is meet anyone new without them proclaiming that I am tall. One woman actually said to me, “Did anyone tell you that you’re gloriously tall?” No, lady. In 20-ish years, YOU are of course the first person to notice that I am tall. I have been waiting my whole life to hear this, and I am SO glad somebody FINALLY acknowledged my body size.

It would be like somebody coming up to you and saying, “Did you know that you have feet?” Well, duh.

Also, “gloriously tall”? What does that mean? Glorious is how you describe a sunrise or what it’s like to climb a mountain or your wedding day. It is NOT how you describe height.

Yet another problem arises while driving for long periods of time. Your legs get cramped because the seat isn’t long enough to support your quad muscles. sigh again

Did I mention that people assume that being tall automatically makes you a great athlete? I have the stamina of a wilting flower. It also probably doesn’t help that (as one kid in 7th grade once said to me) I “have the reflexes of a dead cow.”

So, no. I did not play basketball, volleyball, or any kind of ball.

I am also not a model, I had a really difficult time finding these pants I’m wearing, but on the plus side, the weather is indeed quite lovely up here (although it’s occasionally dampened when I stupidly walk into a low-hanging light fixture).

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Hey Thought Catalog, Get Off Your High Horse & Stop Complaining About Millennials

I ran across a whiny Thought Catalog article today titled “When Are 20-Somethings Going to Get Over Themselves?” that seriously irked me.

The 21-year-old author literally starts off her piece with this hypocritical statement: “I cannot bear another whimsical article about being a twenty something.” She then proceeds to complain about being a twenty-something. She basically hates her own generation.

She claims that
–    we “moan” about walking to class on Facebook
(My response: I’m a recent grad of a huge public university, and I don’t remember any of my Facebook friends whining about walking to class. I’m wondering what horrible people this girl is Facebook friends with. And even if they do whine, maybe they have a good reason for it. I mean, the weather this year has been dreadful.)
–    we hate going to school
(My response: based on the fact that we are the most educated generation in American history, I’m going to say that she’s probably wrong about this)
–    we don’t volunteer
(My response: clearly she’s never heard of unpaid internships and how common they’ve become within the past decade)
–    we don’t write enough
(My response: I guess blogging, posting documentaries on YouTube, etc. doesn’t count as writing unless you’re writer for Thought Catalog)

I’m not a fan of Thought Catalog. The articles are filled with pretentious, self-absorbed twenty-somethings who claim that they are sick of our generation – their own generation. The writers pat themselves on the back because they are under the false impression that their writing is somehow deep or going to change the world. It’s not. They could be writing thought provoking pieces on real issues, but instead they are just a egotistical version of Buzzfeed.

Don’t believe me? Here are some examples of Thought Catalog articles that sound like they could be Buzzfeed listicles: “21 Secret Struggles of Being a Girly Girl,” “The 5 Things to Look for in a Significant Other,” and “9 People You Become on Payday.”

Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE Buzzfeed. But Buzzfeed doesn’t claim that its “mission” is “archival.” It also doesn’t claim that it aims to “shape culture.” You know who does claim that it has that mission? Thought Catalog.

At least Buzzfeed is aware of what it’s doing. It’s not trying to be thought provoking. It’s just trying to be a form of entertainment. Thought Catalog is doing the exact same thing, but with less GIFs and a greater sense of superiority.

*for the record, I don’t think my blog is going to change the world either – although it would be flipping awesome if it did.